


Bubble Butt

by friggin_chips



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Flirting, But when is he not?, Deadpool is a perv, Excessive use of pet names, It was my prompt but still, M/M, Pet Names, Pre-Relationship, Prompt Fill, a lil, cross dressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 08:34:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9171058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friggin_chips/pseuds/friggin_chips
Summary: Spider-man really doesn't like Deadpool talking about his ass so much. He goes for a costume change to fix it. Peter eventually tries for a skirt. Deadpool likes the skirt.





	1. Baby Boy is a good nickname

Peter was perched on the rooftop of one of the many nameless buildings crowding up the skyline. The sun would be coming up soon and Spider-man's patrol would be complete for that night. He didn't expect anything else to happen and so far, only a couple robbers and muggers showed themselves.

Peter had recently saved a woman and her child who gave him a Twizzler. He wasn't about to let that go to waste, so there he was, sitting and munching on the red candy when Deadpool swung by.

"Yoohoo! Spidey-babe!"

Peter twirled around to see the ex-mercenary land in front of him. Deadpool wasn't really considered a threat anymore ever since he ditched his old work of "unaliving" people. They had even teamed up a couple times when Deadpool squeezed himself into one of Spider-man's patrols. Despite their little get-togethers, there was always one thing that Deadpool did that Peter wasn't very fond of.

"How's my wonderful bubble butt doing today?" Deadpool giggled.

And there it was.

Peter stepped back even though he was already at the edge of the rooftop.

"What do you want, Deadpool?"

"Nuh-uh I asked first," he sang. 

Although that was true, Peter was _not_ going to respond to being called "bubble butt."

After a moment of silence, Deadpool sighed dramatically, sagging his upper body. "Why can't a man just catch up with his favorite baby boy? And his baby boy's best ass...et. Best asset"

Peter stared, confused. The sun peeked over the horizon and it would soon be time for Peter to head to work. Did Deadpool really not want anything? Maybe Peter was still judging him by his past. But his past did deal with him killing a lot of people...

Deadpool was getting tired of Peter's inner monologue. In any other situation he would've skiddaddled already but then Spidey turned around and he couldn't help but let out an "Mm, dat ass."

Peter had been caught off guard and was thankful he was wearing a mask. His face was almost as red as his suit.

"Bye, Deadpool." He muttered, annoyed and embarrassed, before thwipping away.

Peter could hear Deadpool cry "Baby Boy wait!"


	2. No Capes!

Peter really had to get Deadpool to stop talking about his butt. He didn't even know why it bothered him so much. Maybe he should cover it up somehow? Yeah. A new feature to his suit should do the trick. He'd always wanted to try out a new design anyways.

Peter looked around his room a bit before spotting an old Spider-man blanket he found on sale one day. A stitch here and there and it would do well for a while before he really committed to this design. Deadpool should see him now.

The very next patrol, Deadpool was waiting on a building. Peter couldn't tell if he was waiting on him or for something else but that didn't matter. He was excited to show off his kick-ass new cape. Wait, what? No, he wasn't excited. He was just... well he was on the roof already that's what he was.

"I see you couldn't stay away." Deadpool said in his best sultry voice.

Peter rolled his eyes under his mask. "Pshh, you wish."

Deadpool was going to say something definitely witty and sarcastic back but then he caught a glimpse of the flowing piece of fabric waving behind Peter.

"What is _that_?" Deadpool slapped two hands on his face in surprise. He practically pounced on Spider-Man in an attempt to grab the cape. "Spidey, haven't you ever watched The Incredibles before? This is a danger to your life! And to fashion!"

Peter flipped his cape away from Deadpool dramatically. "I'll have you know I haven't had any problems with this."

"Not yet you haven't! But then who knows. You'll end up caught to the engine turbines of an airplane chopped into little sexy Spidey-bits." Deadpool was fake crying by this point, an arm draped over his face.

"I can't fly, Deadpool." Peter said, as if that fixed all his problems.

Deadpool was still going on with his rant. "But then you'll learn to fly and you'll leave lil ol' me down here."

"Deadpool, shush." Peter interrupted. He had heard someone scream from below them.

"And then what? I'll have to use binoculars to stare at you Baby Boy" Deadpool said "binoculars" like it was sewage in his mouth. "Can you beli-"

As much as Peter was enjoying Deadpool's rambling, there were lives to save. "Deadpool, really. Be quiet."

The screaming was actually coming from an alleyway over. Spider-Man waved for Deadpool to go the opposite route as to block any exit the bad guy could take.

Deadpool jumped off the building and Peter swang towards the source of the noise. He swung too close to a building, though. A stray flagpole stuck out a _biiit_ too far and Peter's cape was soon tangled in it. He let out a not-so-graceful "Ack!" and he let go of his web.

The cape ripped apart from the rest of his suit, nearly taking his mask with it.

He landed on someone's balcony, gasping for breath. From below, he could hear Deadpool laughing and taunting the criminals. A second later, the two bad guys were tied up and kicked to the curb.

"Spiiiiiidey" Deadpool called.

Peter jumped down in front of him. "'M fine." He rasped.

"Ooh! The cape's gone! Now that glorious ass can breathe, thank god."

Spider-Man swung away wordlessly, already thinking of new ideas for his costume.


	3. The Winner

Back in his apartment, Peter rubbed his neck where it still felt sore from the cape the other day. Well, that definitely didn’t do the trick. At this point, Peter resorted to making a pros-and-cons list.

Baggier pants. Pros: It works. Cons: Reminds him too much of when he just started out as Spider-Man back when he was a teenager. In his earliest days, he had worn something close to cargo pants. Thankfully, that design was gone soon.

Cloak. Pros: He gets a hood. Mysterious and pretty cool. Cons: Too much like a cape.

Talk to Deadpool. Pros: Might work. Cons: Would Deadpool even listen? This might make things even more embarrassing. Peter felt like he’d lose some kind of game if Deadpool found out this bothered him. No, he was going to figure this whole thing out himself.

Agh! Wasn’t there some kind of cape-like thing that maybe hung around the waist instead? Yeah that’d be better. And just short enough to cover his- wait a second. That “thing” was a skirt.

Peter looked at the torn fabric that used to be the cape. There was more than enough to sew into a makeshift shirt. Was he really considering this? It would work, technically. Well, he’d try anything once.

 

After only half a night patrolling around town, Peter could already tell that the skirt was a lot better than the cape. In fact, he was liking this costume better than his usual one. The skirt went to just above the middle of his thighs which felt like the perfect length for it to wave around in the wind but still be short enough to not get caught in anything. It felt like being Superman minus the cool super powers but it was as close as flying as he was going to get.

A car alarm went off in a mostly deserted parking lot. Usually, a car alarm was the most common thing on the streets but Peter decided to check on it anyways. His intuition turned out to be right when he saw someone attempting to break into an expensive looking car.

“Time to test this thing out in a real fight.” As nice as the skirt felt as he was thwipping past buildings, he had to know if it would be a hinderance in any other situation.

Peter landed a couple feet behind the thief with a thump. That had caught the man’s attention. “Sp-Spider-Man!”

Peter feigned surprise. “Woah, whaaat? How did you know it was me?”

The thief forgot all about the car he was trying to steal and immediately started running away.

Peter aimed his wrists at the perp’s legs. “Not even a goodbye kiss?”

The now webbed-down thief still had his arms free and a crowbar in one hand. In a panic, the thief threw the crowbar at Peter. It was useless anyways. Peter hardly needed his Spidey senses to kick in to dodge that attack. The perp did momentarily escape the webbing, though, but he was soon webbed to a nearby wall for the cops to deal with later.

“Well,” Peter felt a little disappointed that he didn’t get to jump around in a fight for real. “That was anticlimactic.” Maybe that was for the best.

“Aw, baby boy.” Peter could hear Deadpool’s whine from behind him. “You didn’t invite me to th-“ Deadpool fell silent.

Peter turned around, expecting something to be wrong. He was faced with a speechless Deadpool, staring not so subtly at his new skirt.

“D’you like it?” Peter did a little twirl. He could practically hear Deadpool’s mouth drop open.

“I- I- I-“ Deadpool sounded like a broken record.

Oooh man. Did… Did Peter just win the game? He wasn’t even sure there was a game to begin with but that didn’t matter because he had won! 

Since Deadpool was doing this new silent bit, Peter took the opportunity to speak up. “Hopefully, this doesn’t distract from that ass you love so much. That would just be a shame, wouldn’t it.”

“Fuck, Spidey,” Deadpool tried to utter a few words and Peter could hardly hold in his laughter.

Peter didn’t let Deadpool say anything more. He turned around and swung away in the opposite direction, his job done for the night. Deadpool hadn’t moved from his spot, but, hey, at least he wasn’t talking about Peter’s ass anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ta-da! this was my attempt at writing something a little more flirty. even if it had been bad flirting. follow my tumblr @unshankable

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always welcome :)


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